The Fear of Starting Over

So many times in my life, since being aware of the effect my mental health has on me, I have been scared to chase my dreams. I get this surge to push on, knowing the voice in the back of my mind is speaking to me about how silly I will look when I try to push past the hidden nightmare in my mind.

I was diagnosed at 11, but up until I was 23, I wasn’t aware of how much bipolar disorder impacted my life. I had a cycle of behaviors that would start out promising then end up becoming the shadow of hell I never thought I would experience.

Today, I finished my school enrollment to begin my journey to finally attaining my degree. I had thought I would have already done this, but it didn’t work in my life until recently. I have had my hands full with two kids and one of them being autistic and needing a bunch of support.

My feelings have been a mixture of worry, excitement and anxiety that I will somehow mess this up. For the first time in my life, I know exactly what I want to do, and I am excited to embrace the future and allow myself to be excited. I will be studying Neuropsychology.

Niki Maria

Niki Maria

I am a student and I am currently studying to become a Neuropsychological Researcher. I have a passion for helping people find the strength to deal with life and love and sharing the stuff I am learning in school. I also absolutely love music, and while I am no Mariah Carrey or Beyonce, I love to write and sing my own songs for fun. It is an awesome stress relief.

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