Today, I want to touch on a very deep topic, one that may take more than one post, about how to heal from rejection. Rejection is unequivocally the most violently painful feeling in the world. It makes us feel that we are unworthy. It shows us that someone we love so much is willing to go to great lengths to make us feel unwanted.
Rejection and abandonment go hand and hand. They are two sides of the same coin. Rejection says, “I am not good enough for him/her,” and abandonment says, “I deserve this because I was unworthy of him/her.” Rejection happens because we held on so tight and made assumptions that could have been inaccurate all along. Abandonment happens because we held on so tight.
The Plan: How to Heal from Rejection
The first step for how to heal from rejection is to learn from it, forgive it, and accept it without allowing it to harm your self-esteem. Rejection makes us feel unworthy, unlovable, unhappy, and inconsequential to the ones who are rejecting us. We battle with ourselves to believe that we deserve love, we ponder over our mistakes, and wonder, “what if I just didn’t say that or feel that,” or “what if I just left them alone.”
The feelings you have are normal. You are human after all, and your heart was broken and trampled on in a rather harmful way by someone you really thought would never do it. Try to be kind with yourself, then remind yourself that they are only human too.
Let’s dig into these feelings with a journal entry about recognizing our feelings around being rejected and what we learned. This will give us the strength to find ways to overcome the negative feelings that we have surrounding our rejection stories and give us the space to remove them.
- Write the date at the top
- Write the quote I am sharing below
- Write out the situation that caused you to feel rejected
- Share what issue you can see that might have caused the person to reject you
- forgive yourself and them in writing
- draw a picture of the first thing that comes to mind
Quote for the Day
The quote for today is very vulnerable and even if it feels hard to accept, I encourage you to find space for it in your life.
”I don’t want anyone who doesn’t want me.”Oprah Winfrey
After writing the quote and all the pieces of the journal entry for today, write how you can use this quote to focus on how to heal from rejection.
An Extra Resource About How to Heal From Rejection
I started a course called, “Becoming the One,” by Sheleana and it was the best choice I made to not feel helpless in the face of terrible heartache and rejection.
What I Can Share from My own Experiences on How to Heal from Rejection
When I used to think of how to heal from rejection, I used to think there is no escaping rejection and its dearest friend abandonment. Now I know that you simply cannot escape rejection if you are living a courageous life and taking risks. I came across an article last semester while writing a paper by Harriet Lerner, Ph.D. on Psychology Today. She wrote:
“Rejection sucks. No one intentionally signs up for it, or escapes it, for that matter.”How You Can Escape the Pain of Rejection – Harriet Lerner, Ph.D.
She is right. Rejection is a necessary part of life. You cannot avoid rejection without also avoiding passion, love, joy, and happiness. The most common theme of rejection in my life comes from relationships. I am passionate and I fight for what I want without holding back, because even though I know I may be rejected, I don’t want to ever think, “what if …”
Recently, in my own rejection situation, I held on so tight to someone because I gave everything I had to someone I thought would never hurt me. When I felt the rejection, I started to question my sanity.
While it is natural that we turn to our loved ones for advice when we feel the overwhelming feeling of rejection, be mindful to follow your own heart. Nothing is more toxic and codependent than family and friends who unintentionally tell you what you “should” do, especially those who have nothing to show for their own rejection situations. Those family and friends think they are helping someone they love to heal when they are actually breaking their loved one’s heart, as well as the heart of the person who is also involved.
Love is both easy and challenging; it’s easy because you know you want to feel it and connect with it, but it’s challenging because you are two people who have to learn from each other in order to create a meaningful and engaging presence in the relationship.
In years of therapy, I learned that healthy people do not run from conflict and discord, they rise up to it and challenge it, then land on a compromise to make everyone happy. Unhealthy and toxic people ask for advice from people who are equally or even more unhealthy and toxic than they are; and eventually lead themselves to experience regret for not having done what they should have done.
While rejection is painful and knowing how to heal from rejection is a complicated and enduring process of agony and growth, you can’t escape, but rejection is a choice. I allowed him to reject me, and I also rejected him and his treatment of me as a consequence. Rejection takes two people to exist.
Quick Exercise To Move Beyond Rejection
Let’s do a quick visual activity to build up your internal power and strength. Here is an excellent inner child meditation from Michelle Chalfant.
- How to Escape the Pain of Rejection – Psychology Today
- Day 2: Living in the Now – Niki Maria
- 7 Steps to Overcome the Pain of Rejection When a Partner Leaves – Good Therapy
- How to Deal With Rejection in Love – When They Don’t Love You Back – Psychologia
- Here’s How to Deal With Rejection in a Healthy Way, According to Psychologists – GH
- How to Deal with Rejection From the Person You Love – HuffPost
- How to Deal with Rejection – Psychalive