Whether your relationship is falling apart, or you are moving far away from home, or you are feeling depressed or sad or lonely or traumatized, you can learn how to become unstuck.
Becoming unstuck looks or feels like a challenge, but it truly doesn’t have to be. When your world is collapsing around you, there is an opportunity to look deep inside and call to your courage. It is the moment you realize, you have survived a lot of really hard times before this. You have not only survived but at some point, you found a reason to keep trying, and you will again. As the famous statement goes, “it’s okay not to be okay.”
An incredible therapist once told me that you cannot control what someone else thinks of you. You cannot tell them what to say, or that they are wrong, or what to do, but you can look at how they make you feel, listen and/or pay attention to how the situation is affecting you, and decide if you can or even want to have a useful relationship with them.
This isn’t all it takes to learn how to become unstuck, but by looking at the way someone is treating you and deciding that this isn’t how you need or want to be treated, then sending them away with love may be the best option. Additionally, if your stuck story isn’t around another person, then look at your options, really examine how you feel, and decide if you want it to be better or if you are searching for drama.
Becoming unstuck is not going to be easy. Sometimes we want to hold on to a person or a feeling or a home or a friend even when it is or they are showing us that it or they aren’t serving us, or the situation is preventing us from growing. Learning how to become unstuck isn’t going to be easy, but it will set you free and give you hope for the future.
The Plan: How to Become Unstuck
The first step to learning how to become unstuck is to discover how you are stuck. In order to truly understand how you are stuck, you must become aware of the story you are telling yourself about why you are truly stuck.
Take out your journal or open a blank text file on your computer.
- Write the date at the top
- Write the quote I am sharing below
- Write down the details of why you feel stuck
- Before we write anything, read your stuck story out loud and really listen to yourself as you read it. Edit it if you must, but read it out loud from the beginning if you edit it. (Note: Read it as many times as you can until you have heard it and when you have really heard it.)
- Now put your journal down, close your eyes, and take three deep breaths and clear your mind by repeating a mantra while you take these breaths. (A mantra you could use is, “I am safe,” or “I am going to get through this.”)
- When you feel ready, open your eyes and read your stuck story out loud again.
- Now write down the advice you can give yourself to become unstuck. Write this advice as if you are giving it to someone else. (Note: Imagine you are giving advice to your best friend, your family member, your child, etc., and try to write this advice as if you are not you. For Example, write “You are worthy of more than this. It’s going to hurt but you will survive. It is going to be hard, but you have done a lot of hard stuff before. Being stuck in this relationship, place, or in these feelings isn’t helping you grow. It’s time to let go and learn how to be unstuck.”)
- Now write a plan for yourself for the moments when you go back to being stuck. (e.g., I will write my feelings in a venting note, then destroy it, or I will read for 20 minutes when I feel stuck, or I will meditate or play a game on my phone for 10 minutes when I feel stuck.)
Quote for the Day
The quote for today comes from the author of “Seeds of Greatness This is an affiliate link,” and, “The Psychology of Winning This is an affiliate link,” Denis Waitley. Waitley is both an author and motivational speaker who has spent 25+ years working with athletes and CEO’s. His words inspire, inform, motivate, challenge, and entertain the masses and I love his quote on how to become unstuck.
After writing the quote and all the pieces of the journal entry for today, write how you can use this quote in your quest to learn how to become unstuck and what becoming unstuck looks like for your future.
An Extra Resource for Becoming Unstuck
I got the absolute honor of watching this man’s video entitled, “The Success Principles.” I would like to introduce you to the brilliant works of Jack Canfield. You may not realize that you know his work, for example, his best-selling book that almost everyone has heard of or read is “Chicken Soup for the Soul. This is an affiliate link”
Then he went on to write, “Chicken Soup for the Preteen Soul This is an affiliate link,” “Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul This is an affiliate link,” “Chicken Soup for the Grieving Soul This is an affiliate link,” “Chicken Soup for the Woman’s Soul This is an affiliate link,” “Chicken Soup for the Mother’s Soul This is an affiliate link,” “Chicken Soup for the Recovering Soul This is an affiliate link,” “Chicken Soup for the Kids Soul This is an affiliate link,” and a bunch more This is an affiliate link.
My favorite book by Canfield is, “The Success Principles This is an affiliate link.” I also love that he developed, “The Success Principles Workbook: An Action Plan for Getting from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be This is an affiliate link” to work through the success principles and really get more out of it.
Here is the video I watched from Jack Canfield that I absolutely loved. This video was a game changer for me. It is long, about an hour, but TOTALLY WORTH IT!!!
My Story of Learning to Become Unstuck
I have gotten stuck so many times in my life. In fact, I actually began to think of being stuck as necessary and important. I have especially been stuck in situations where I fall in love with the wrong person, thinking, “what if I regret leaving this person? What if I never find someone else? What if they were the one and I never find someone who I will love this much ever again?”
Learning how to become unstuck is something I am still striving to do. I find myself feeling stuck more often because I am still learning what my stuck story is. I remember a moment in my life when someone asked me the most annoying question. It went something like this, “why do you always get yourself into situations where you can’t find your way out of them easily?”
After being asked that question, I remember saying something like, “if I knew the answer, don’t you think I would have stopped getting into this situations?”
I noticed that one of the biggest reasons I got stuck so many times is because of the people I was surrounding myself with. These people were, because I no longer associate with them, the type of people who didn’t want more in life. They were the type of people who settled for a watered down version of what looked like happiness, but it was actually just familiarity. I craved more out of life, more out of love, and more out of myself. I realized that the people I wanted to be around had a hunger for more, and knew they were going to reach the greatest heights to get it. The ones I kept in my life, I started to listen to compassionately. I opened myself up to empathy, compassion, loving them unconditionally, and being authentic while trying not to push them too hard or go too far against the grain.
Becoming unstuck is a choice. I learned this when I started to fall in love with myself again on a trip to Bali, Indonesia in 2019. Learning how to become unstuck was simply to choose to no longer be trapped by your feelings, your pain, your circumstances, your spirals and cycles, or the negative self-talk that regularly brings you pain and heartache. Becoming unstuck was simple to choose to be free of the demands your fear, your feelings, your insecurities has put on you to stunt your growth.
Back in 2017, I was in a very toxic relationship, had developed an addiction to pain medication (that thankfully wasn’t as bad as it could have been), and thought I would never escape my situation. I was stuck because I loved the man I was with and had a child with him, and walking away just seemed entirely too painful and scary to consider doing.
Today, I am smiling more, fighting harder for myself, being my own best friend, facing my anxieties, creating healthy boundaries in order to prevent getting stuck again, and honoring and valuing my needs. Yes I still get stuck, but I know now when to give it up. I know now that if I am completely unfulfilled, it’s time to check myself.
Quick Exercise for Learning How to Become Unstuck
This exercise will involve three pieces of paper, a pen, and 20 minutes (give or take) of your time.
On the first piece of paper, write down a situation or two from your past that you felt stuck in and write how you overcame it. (Note: be specific about how you got through it. Writing, “I don’t really know how I got through it,” or, “I didn’t have a choice,” are not what really got you through. Even if you cried yourself to sleep for 8 years, or learned how to play the piano, you somehow learned how to become unstuck. Be really real with yourself.)
On the second piece of paper, write down the situations in your life right now that are making you feel stuck. (Note: Put down all the gory details!! Write down how you feel, what you are going through, what advice you are getting, what choices you have in front of you right now, and what the plan is if you make one choice over the other. Get brutally honest with yourself about the stuck story you are currently facing.)
On the third piece of paper, write down at least three things you want to in the future. (e.g., to move to Bali, to own a home, to start a family, to eat a better diet, to quit smoking, to meet a good lover, etc.) After that, write three or more things that are standing in the way of your future. (e.g., my current relationship, my child’s behavior, I am avoiding the pain, I am scared, I have too much anxiety, etc.) Then write down three people in your tribe who support you with love and without judgment, three strengths you have that you can use right now, and three resources that you can find online to help you through this (Note: do research on Google or your preferred search engine. Look for non-profits, churches, fitness activities, hobbies you can learn, coaching programs, community assistance, meet-up groups to make new friends, etc.).
Lastly, on the bottom of the third page, write down one mantra you can use when you get overwhelmed, anxious, or you start to feel that you are better off stuck. The mantra can say something simple like, “I am worthy of what I want, ” or, “I can and I will do better than this.” The mantra can also be specific, “He/she cheated on me and I am worth more,” or, “he/she makes me feel invisible and I know I deserve better.” The mantra can also be long and loving, “I am worthy of my best life. I do not need anyone but myself. I can and I will overcome any challenge with (the grace of a woman or the dignity of a man). I am powerful. I have a purpose. I am worthy. I am going to do what makes my soul happy.”
- Book: “Unstuck: Your Guide to the Seven-Stage Journey Out of Depression” – by James S. Gordon M.D. This is an affiliate link
- Book: “Choose Wonder Over Worry: Move Beyond Fear and Doubt to Unlock Your Full Potential This is an affiliate link” – By Amber Rae
- 4 Things Holding you Back From Greatness – Jack Canfield
- 10 Powerful Quotes to Read When We’re Feeling Stuck. – Becky Vollmer
- 7 Ways to Get Yourself Unstuck – Psychology Today
- A Guide to Getting Unstuck – Chris Sparks
- How to Get Unstuck in Life and Live a More Fulfilling Life by Evelyn Marinoff on LifeHack
- 16 Ways to Get Unstuck – Tiny Buddha
- Day 7: How To Let Go, Living in Acceptance – Niki Maria